# Won't you come see about me?
# I'll be alone, dancing
# You know it, baby
# Tell me your troubles and doubts
# Giving me everything, inside and out
# Love's strange, so real in the dark
# Think of the tender things
# That we were working on
# Slow change may pull us apart
# When the light gets into your heart, baby
# Don't you forget about me
# Don't, don't, don't, don't
# Don't you forget about me
# Will you stand above me?
# Look my way but never love me?
# Rain keeps falling
# Rain keeps falling down
# Down, down #
(Boy) 'Saturday, March 24th, 1 984.
'Shermer High School, Shermer, lllinois. 60062.
'Dear Mr Vernon,
'we accept that we had to sacrifice Saturday in detention for what we did.
'What we did was wrong.
'But you're crazy to make us write an essay about who we think we are.
'What do you care?
'You see us as you want to see us,
'in the simplest terms and most convenient definitions.
'You see us as a brain,
'an athlete, a basket case,
'a princess and a criminal.
'Correct?
'That's how we saw each other at 7:00 this morning.
'We were brainwashed.'
I can't believe you can't get me out of this.
I mean, it's so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday.
- I'm not a defective. - I'll make it up to you.
Ditching class to go shopping doesn't make you a defective. Have a good day.
- It's the first or last time we do this? - The last.
- Use the time to your advantage. - We're not supposed to study.
- You figure out a way to study. - Yeah.
Well, go!
I screwed around. Guys screw around. There's nothing wrong with that.
- Except you got caught. - Mum already reamed me, all right.
You want to miss a match? You want to blow your ride?
No school's going to give a scholarship to a discipline case.
Well, well. Here we are.
I want to congratulate you for being on time.
Excuse me, sir. There's been a mistake.
I know it's detention, but I don't think I belong in here.
It is now 7:06.
You have eight hours and 54 minutes to think about why you're here,
to ponder the error of your ways.
You may not talk.
You will not move from these seats.
And you...will not sleep.
We're going to try something a little different.
We are going to write an essay
of no less than a thousand words, describing who you think you are.
- Is this a test? - When I say essay, I mean essay.
I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times.
- Is that clear, Mr Bender? - Crystal.
(Man) Good. Maybe you'll learn something about yourself.
Maybe you'll decide whether you care to return.
I can answer that right now, sir. That would be "no" for me because...
- Sit down, Johnson. - Thank you, sir.
(Man) My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised.
Any questions?
(Bender) Yeah, I've got a question.
Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
I'll answer that next Saturday.
Don't mess with the bull, young man - you'll get the horns.
That man...he's a brownie hound.
(Chipping)
You keep eating your hand, you're not going to be hungry for lunch.
I've seen you before, you know.
Who do I think I am? Who are you?
Who are you?
I am the walrus.
It's the shits, huh?
(Bender hums)
I can't believe this is happening.
Shit! What are we supposed to do if we have to take a piss?
- Please. - If you've got to go, you've got to go.
- My God! - You're not urinating in here.
- Don't talk! It crawls back up. - Whip it out and you're dead!
You're pretty sexy when you get angry. Grrr!
Homeboy, why don't you close that door?
We'll get the prom queen impregnated.
- Hey! Hey! - What?
- If I lose my temper, you're totalled. - Totally?
- Totally. - Just shut up. Nobody is interested.
Really. Buttface.
What did you do to get in here? Forget to wash your jock?
I think we should write our papers.
Living in here doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass.
- It's a free country. - He's doing it to get a rise out of you.
Ignore him.
Sweets...
you couldn't ignore me if you tried.
So...
Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?
Steady dates?
Lovers?
Come on, Sporto. Level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?
- Go to hell! - Enough!
What's going on in there?
Smug little pricks.
Scumbag.
Shall we close that door? We can't party with Vernon checking us out.
- It's supposed to stay open. - So?
So shut up. There's four others here.
You can count. You have to be smart to be a wrestler.
- Who are you to judge anybody? - Really.
You don't count. If you disappeared, it wouldn't make any difference.
You may as well not exist at this school.
Well, I'll just run right out and join the wrestling team.
Maybe the Prep Club, too. Student Council.
- They wouldn't take you. - I'm hurt.
You know why guys like you knock everything? You're afraid.
You're so smart. That's why I'm not heavy in activities.
- You're a coward. - I'm in the Maths Club.
You're afraid they won't take you, so you just dump all over it.
It wouldn't have anything to do with you people being assholes?
You don't even know any of us.
I don't know any lepers, but I'm not joining their fucking club.
- Watch the mouth. - I'm in the Physics Club, too.
What are you babbling about?
What I said was, I'm in the Maths Club, the Latin Club
and the Physics Club.
Hey, Cherry...
- Do you belong to the Physics Club? - That's an academic club.
(Bender) So?
- They aren't the same as other clubs. - Ah, but to dorks like him, they are.
What do you do in your club?
In Physics, we talk about physics, properties of physics.
So it's sort of social. Demented and sad, but social. Right?
(Johnson) I guess you could consider it a social situation.
There are other children in my club and...
At the end of the year we have a big banquet at the Hilton.
You load up, you party.
- No. We dress up, but don't get high. - Only burners like you get high.
(Johnson) I didn't have shoes, so I borrowed my dad's.
My cousin, Kendall, got high once and he started eating weird foods.
He felt like he didn't belong anywhere.
- Like, "Twilight Zone". - Sounds like you.
Keep talking and Vernon will come in.
I don't want to miss my meet this Saturday.
Wouldn't that be a bite? Missing a whole wrestling meet!
You wouldn't know, faggot! You never competed in your life.
I feel all empty inside because of it.
I have such admiration for guys who roll around on the floor together.
- You don't have any goals. - (Bender) Oh, but I do.
- Yeah? - I want to be just like you.
I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights.
You wear tights?
No, I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.
- Tights. - Shut up!
(Distant rustling)
(Bender inhales loudly)
(Johnson) There's not supposed to be monkey business.
Young man, have you finished your paper?
(Sporto) Don't screw around.
- What are you going to do? - Drop dead, I hope.
(Water trickles)
(Whoops euphorically)
That's school property.
It doesn't belong to us. It's not to be toyed with.
- Very funny. Fix it! - (Johnson) You should fix that.
- You're an asshole. Fix the door. - Everyone shhh!
(Bender) I know what I'm doing. (Sporto) No! Get up and fix it!
(Bender) Shut up! (Vernon) God damn it!
Why is that door closed?
- Why is that door closed? - How are we supposed to know?
Why?
We're just sitting here, like we were supposed to.
Who closed that door?
- I think a screw fell out of it. - It just closed, sir.
(Vernon) Who?
(Squeaks)
- She doesn't talk, sir. - (Vernon) Give me that screw.
- I don't have it. - You want me to shake it out of you?
I don't have it. Screws fall out all the time.
- Give it to me. - Why would anybody steal a screw?
Watch it, young lady.
(Footsteps)
(Door opens)
The door's way too heavy, sir.
(Vernon) Damn it!
(Door opens)
Andrew Clark, get up here.
Come on, front and center. Let's go.
How come Andrew gets to get up?
If he gets up, we all will. It'll be anarchy.
- Watch the magazines. - (Bender) It's out of my hands.
That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire?
Violating fire codes and endangering children's lives
would be unwise at this juncture in your career.
What are you doing with this? Get this out of here. Come on!
- The school has fire exits. - Show Dick some respect.
Let's go. Go! Get back in your seat.
I expected a little more from a varsity letterman.
You're not fooling anybody, Bender.
The next screw that falls out is going to be you.
- (Mutters) Eat my shorts. - What was that?
Eat... my...shorts!
You've bought yourself another Saturday.
- I'm crushed! - You've just bought one more.
I'll have to check my calendar.
Good. It's going to be filled. We'll keep going.
Want another one? Just say the word!
Instead of going to prison, you'll come here. Are you through?
- No. - (Vernon) I'm doing society a favour.
- So? - (Vernon) That's another one.
I've got you for the rest of your life.
- Want another? - Yes.
(Vernon) You got it. That's another one, pal.
Cut it out!
(lndistinct)
- (Vernon) You through? - Not even close, bud.
- Good. One more. - Do you think I give a shit?
Another.
- You through? - How many is that?
Seven, including the one when you asked about Barry Manilow's closet.
- Now it's eight. - Seven, sir.
Shut up, Peewee.
You're mine, Bender. For two months, I've got you.
I've got you.
What can I say? I'm thrilled.
I'm sure that's what you want these people to believe.
You ought to spend a little less time trying to impress people.
You might be better off. All right, that's it.
I'm going to be right outside those doors.
The next time I have to come in, I'm cracking skulls.
(Screams) Fuck you!
Fuck.
(# Rock guitar music plays)
Wake up!
Who has to go to the lavatory?
- That's real intelligent. - You're right.
It's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read.
And...
... Molay really pumps my nads.
Moliere.
(# Violin music plays)
I love his work.
Big deal. Nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy.
- Speak for yourself. - Do you think I'd speak for you?
I don't even know your language.
- Hey, are you grounded tonight? - I don't know.
My mum said I was but my dad told me to blow her off.
There's a big party at Stubby's. Should be pretty wild.
(Girl) Yeah? (Andrew) Yeah. Are you going to go?
- I doubt it. - How come?
If I do what my mother tells me not to, it's because my father says it's OK.
There's a monster deal. It's endless. Any minute, divorce.
- Who do you like better? - What?
- Who do you like better? - They're both screwed.
No, I mean, if you had to choose between them.
I don't know. I'd probably go live with my brother.
Neither gives a shit. They use me to get back at each other.
Ha!
- Shut up! - You're just feeling sorry for yourself.
- Nobody else would. - You're breaking my heart.
- (Bender) Sporto? - What?
- Do you get along with your parents? - If I say yes, I'm an idiot. Right?
You're an idiot anyway.
But if you say you get along with your parents, you're a liar, too.
You know something? If we weren't in school, I'd waste you.
Can you hear this?
You want me to turn it up?
Hey, fellas, I mean... I don't like my parents, either.
I don't get along with them.
Their idea of parental compassion is just wacko, you know.
- Dork. - Yeah?
You are a parent's wet dream, OK?
That's the problem.
I can see you getting bunged up that they make you wear these clothes.
But face it, you're a neo-maxi-zoom dweebie,
out to make yourself a better citizen.
Why do you have to insult everybody?
I'm being honest, asshole.
I would expect you to know the difference.
- Well, he's got a name. - Yeah?
- What's your name? - Brian.
- See? - My condolences.
What's your name?
What's yours?
- Claire. - Claire?
- It's a family name. - It's a fat girl's name.
Thank you. I'm not fat.
Not now, but I can see you pushing maximum density.
I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people.
Those born to be fat and those that were once thin but became fat.
When you look at them, you can see that thin person inside.
You're going to get married, squeeze out a few puppies and then...
Obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl.
I'm not that pristine.
Are you a virgin?
I'll bet you a million dollars that you are.
Let's end the suspense.
(lmpersonates Billy ldol) Will it be a white wedding?
- Why don't you just shut up? - Have you kissed a boy on the mouth?
Have you ever been felt up?
Over the bra, under the blouse,
shoes off, hoping to God your parents don't walk in?
Do you want me to puke?
Over the panties...
...no bra...
...blouse unbuttoned,
Calvins in a ball on the front seat, past 1 1 :00 on a school night?
(Andrew) Leave her alone.
I said leave her alone.
- You gonna make me? - Yeah.
You and how many of your friends?
Just me. Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you, you hitting the floor.
Any time you're ready, pal.
I don't want to get into this with you, man.
Why not?
Because I'd kill you.
It's real simple.
I'd kill you, your parents would sue me and it would be a big mess.
I don't care enough about you to bother.
Chicken shit.
Let's end this right now.
You don't talk to her, you don't look at her
and you don't even think about her. You understand me?
I'm trying to help her.
(Music plays from a radio)
Brian, how are you doing?
Your dad works here?
- Carl, can I ask you a question? - (Carl) Sure.
- How does one become a janitor? - You want to be a janitor?
No, I just want to know how one becomes a janitor
because Andrew is interested in a career in the custodial arts.
Oh, really?
You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant, a peon.
Maybe so. But following a broom around after shitheads like you,
I've learnt a couple of things.
I look through your letters, I look through your lockers.
I listen to your conversations. I do.
I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends.
By the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.
Shit!
(Whistling to the tune of the "Colonel Bogey March")
(Door opens)
(Bender continues whistling)
All right, girls. 30 minutes for lunch.
- Here? - (Vernon) Here.
I think the cafeteria would be more suitable.
- I don't care what you think, Andrew. - (Bender) Dick?
Excuse me. Rich, will milk be made available to us?
- We're extremely thirsty, sir. - I dehydrate badly.
I've seen her dehydrate, sir. It's gross.
- Relax. I'll get it. - (Vernon) Ah, ah, ah!
Grab some wood there, bub! Do you think I was born yesterday?
You think I'm having you roaming these halls?
You.
And you. Hey!
What's her name? Wake her up! On your feet, missy. Let's go.
This is no rest home.
There's a drinks machine in the teachers' lounge. Let's go.
So, what's your poison?
What do you drink?
OK, forget I asked.
Vodka.
Vodka? When do you drink vodka?
Whenever.
- A lot? - Tons.
Is that why you're here today? Why are you here?
I'm here today because...
...my coach and my father don't want me to blow my ride.
I get treated differently because Coach thinks I'm a winner.
So does my old man. I'm not a winner because I want to be.
I'm a winner because I've got strength and speed. Like a race horse.
That's how involved I am in what's happening to me.
Yeah?
That's very interesting.
Now why don't you tell me why you're really in here?
Forget it!
Claire, want to see a picture of a guy with elephantiasis of the nuts?
- It's pretty tasty. - No, thank you.
(Bender) How do you think he rides a bike?
- You'd consider dating a guy like this? - Leave me alone.
If he had a great personality and a cool car...
Although you'd have to ride in the back seat because of his nuts.
- You know what I wish? - Watch it. Brian is a cherry.
- A cherry? - I wish I was on a plane to France.
- I'm not a cherry. - When have you ever gotten laid?
- I've laid lots of times. - Name one.
She lives in Canada. I met her at Niagara Falls.
- You wouldn't know her. - Ever laid anyone around here.
You and Claire did it?
- What are you talking about? - Nothing. Let's just drop it.
What?
Brian's telling me that, in addition to girls in Niagara Falls,
you and he are riding the hobby horse.
- Little pig! - No, I'm not!
John said I was a cherry and I said I wasn't.
Then what were you motioning to Claire for?
- I don't appreciate this much, Brian. - He is lying.
- You weren't motioning to Claire? - You know he's lying.
(Bender) Were you or were you not motioning to Claire?
Yeah, but it was only because I didn't want her to know that I was a virgin.
Excuse me for being a virgin. I'm sorry.
Why didn't you want me to know?
It's my personal, private business.
It doesn't sound like you're doing any business.
I think it's OK for a guy to be a virgin.
You do?
- What's in there? - Guess.
- Where's your lunch? - You're wearing it.
You're nauseating.
- What's that? - Sushi.
Sushi?
Rice, raw fish and seaweed.
You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, but you eat that?
- Can I eat? - I don't know. Give it a try.
(Slurps)
What's your problem?
(Crunching)
What are we having?
It's just your standard, regular lunch, I guess.
- Milk? - Soup.
- That's apple juice. - I can read.
P.B. and J. with the crusts cut off.
Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch.
All the food groups are represented.
Did your mum marry Mr Rogers?
No, Mr Johnson.
Here's my impression of life at big Bri's house.
- "Son!" - "Yeah, Dad?"
"How was your day, pal?"
"Great, Dad. How was yours?"
"Super. Say, son, how would you like to go fishing this weekend?"
"Great, Dad. But I've got homework to do."
"That's all right, son. You can do it on the boat."
"Gee!"
"Dear, isn't our son swell?"
"Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?"
- What about your family? - Mine?
- Yeah. - That's real easy.
(lmitating father) "Stupid, worthless,
"no-good, goddamned, freeloading son of a bitch.
"Retarded, bigmouth, know-it-all, asshole jerk!"
(lmitating mother) "You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful."
(lmitating father) "Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie."
- "What about you, Dad?" - "Fuck you!"
- "No, Dad, what about you?" - "Fuck you!"
- Is that for real? - You want to come over?
Bullshit. It's all part of your image.
- You don't believe me? - (Andrew) No.
- No? - Did I stutter?
Do you believe this?
Huh?
It's about the size of a cigar. Do I stutter?
This is what you get in my house when you spill paint in the garage.
I don't think that I need to sit with you fucking dildos any more.
(Bender screams)
- You shouldn't have said that. - How did I know?
I mean, he lies about everything.
Oh, shit!
Coffee. Looks like they scrape it off the bottom of the Mississippi.
Everything's polluted. The coffee, the kids...
- How do you know where Vernon went? - I don't.
How do you know when he'll be back?
I don't.
Being bad feels pretty good. Huh?
- Why are we going to his locker? - Beats me.
This is so stupid. Why are we risking getting caught?
- I don't know. - Then what are we doing?
One more question and I'm beating the shit out of you.
Sorry.
- You're such a slob. - My maid's on vacation.
- Drugs. - Screw that, Bender. Put it back.
Drugs. The boy has marijuana.
- That was marijuana. - Shut up.
Do you approve of this?
(Bender) We'll cross through the lab.
(Andrew) If Vernon cuts us off, it's your fault, asshole.
(Johnson) What did he say? Where are we going?
(# WANG CH U NG: "Fire in The Twilight")
# Hot on the run from the grip of the power game
# The man who leads the way
# Shell in it's box from his home that they'll never tame
# The man who leads the way
# The man who leads the way #
Wait, hold it! Hold it! Go through the cafeteria.
No, the hall. You don't know what you're talking about.
We're through listening to you. You go where you want.
Come on!
# He is burning
# Burning in the twilight
# He is turning
# Turning to face us
# He is burning
# Fire in the twilight #
- Shit! - Great idea!
- Fuck you! - Fuck you!
We're dead.
- No. Just me. - What do you mean?
Get back to the library. Keep your unit on you.
(Bender shouts indistinctly)
That son of a bitch!
Three, two, one!
Bender! What is this? What are you doing here? What is this?
Hi.
- Out. That's it, Bender! It's over! - Don't you want to hear my excuse?
- Out! - I'm trying out for a scholarship.
Give me the ball. Give me that ball.
Get your stuff. Let's go.
Mr Wiseguy took it upon himself to go to the gym.
You're going to be without his services for the rest of the day.
- B-O-O H-O-O. - Everything's a big joke, huh?
The false alarm you pulled on Friday. Really funny!
What if your home, your family... What if your dope was on fire?
Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.
You think he's funny? This is cute? He's bitching, is that it?
Let me tell you something.
Look at him. He's a bum. You want to see something funny?
Visit John Bender in five years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is.
What's the matter, John? You're going to cry?
- Let's go. - Keep your fucking hands off me!
I expect better manners from you, Dick.
For better hallway vision.
That's the last time you make me look bad in front of those kids.
I make 31,000 dollars a year and I've got a home.
I'm not throwing it away on you. But some day, man,
when you've forgotten this place and they've forgotten you
and you're wrapped up in your pathetic life, I'm going to be there.
That's right. And I'm going to kick the living shit out of you, man.
- Are you threatening me? - What are you going to do about it?
You think anybody's going to believe you?
You think anybody's going to take your word over mine?
I'm a man of respect around here, a swell guy.
You're a lying sack of shit and everybody knows it.
You're a real tough guy. Come on.
On your feet. Let's find out how tough you are.
I want to know how tough you are. I'll give you the first punch.
Right here. Just take the first shot. I'm begging you. Take a shot!
Just take one shot. That's all I need, just one swing.
That's what I thought.
You're a gutless turd.
(Creaking)
A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm
and a two-foot salami under the other.
She lays the poodle on the table.
The bartender says, "l suppose you won't be needing a drink?"
The lady says...
Shit!
(Vernon) Jesus Christ Almighty!
(Crashing)
I forgot my pencil.
(Vernon) God damn it!
What in God's name is going on in here?
- What was that ruckus? - What ruckus?
I was in my office and I heard a ruckus.
- Could you describe it, sir? - Watch your tongue.
Argh!
(Vernon) What is this?
What is that? What is that noise?
(Andrew) What noise? (Claire) There wasn't any noise.
(Bender screams)
Was that the noise?
No, it wasn't. That was not the noise I was talking about.
I may not have caught you in the act this time, but you can bet I will.
You make book on that, missy.
And you! I will not be made a fool of.
- It was an accident. - You're an asshole!
Sue me.
So, Ahab, kybo my doobage?
Yo, waistoid! You're not going to blaze up in here.
(lndistinct)
Shit.
(# Blues music plays)
(Johnson giggles)
(lmitates blues-singer's accent) Chicks cannot hold their smoke.
Do you know how popular I am?
I'm so popular. Everybody loves me so much at this school.
(Johnson) Poor baby.
Five.
(Claire giggles)
(# Rock music plays)
Argh!
Mr... Mr Tearney.
A history of slight mental illness?
- No wonder he's so fucked up. - Afternoon, Dick.
- Hey, Carl. How are you? - Good.
- Good. What's up? - Not much.
- What are you doing? - Nothing. Just a little homework.
- Homework? - Yeah.
Confidential files?
This is a sensitive area and certain people would be very embarrassed.
I would appreciate it if this could be something
that you and l could keep between us.
- What will you do for me? - What would you like?
- Got 50 bucks? - What?
50 bucks.
No, no, man.
- You got a middle name? - Yeah. Guess.
Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke.
Your birth date is March 1 2th.
You're 5 foot, 9.5 inches. You weigh 1 30 pounds.
Your social security number is 04938091 3.
Wow! Are you psychic?
No.
Would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?
- I stole your wallet. - (Johnson) Give it to me.
- No. - (Johnson) Give it!
- You're a thief, too. - I'm not.
Multi-talented!
There's only two bucks and a beaver shot.
- What? - A nudie picture. It's perverted.
Let's see it.
- Are all these your girlfriends? - Some of them.
- What about the others? - Some I consider my girlfriends.
- Some I just consider. - Consider what?
Whether I want to hang out with them.
You don't believe in just one guy, one girl?
- Do you? - Yeah. That's the way it should be.
- Not for me. - Why not?
- Why so much in your purse? - Why so many girlfriends?
I asked you first.
I don't know. I guess I never throw anything away.
- Neither do l. - Oh.
This is the worst fake I D I've ever seen.
- You realise you made yourself 68? - (Johnson) I know. I goofed it.
- (Andrew) Why do you need fake I D? - So I can vote.
- You want to see what's in my bag? - No.
Holy shit! What is all that stuff?
Do you always carry this much shit in your bag?
Yeah.
I always carry this much shit in my bag.
You never know when you may have to jam.
Are you going to be, like, a shopping bag lady?
You know, sit in alleyways and talk to buildings and wear men's shoes?
- I'll do what I have to do. - Why do you have to do anything?
My home life is unsatisfying.
You'd subject yourself to the dangers of the streets
because your home life is unsatisfying?
I don't have to live in the street.
I can go to the ocean, I can go to the mountains.
I can go to lsrael, Africa, Afghanistan.
Andy, want to get in on this? Allison says she wants to run away
because her home life is unsatisfying.
Everyone's home life is unsatisfying.
If it wasn't, people would live with their parents forever.
Yeah, but I think hers goes beyond
what guys like you and me consider "normal unsatisfying".
Never mind. Forget it. Everything's cool.
- What's the deal? - No. There's no deal, Sporto.
- Forget it. - (Andrew) Wait a minute.
Either you really want to run away or you want people to think you want to.
Eat shit!
The girl is an island unto herself. OK?
Hi. You want to talk?
- No. - Why not?
Go away.
- Where do you want me to go? - Go away!
- You have problems. - I have problems?
You do everything everybody tells you.
OK. But I didn't dump my purse out on the couch
and invite people into my problems.
Did l?
So what's wrong?
What is it?
Is it bad? Real bad?
Parents?
Yeah.
What do they do to you?
They ignore me.
Yeah.
What did you want to be when you were young?
When I was a kid, I wanted to be John Lennon.
Carl, don't be a goof. I'm trying to make a serious point.
I've been teaching for 22 years.
Each year, these kids get more and more arrogant.
Bullshit, man.
Come on, Vern. The kids haven't changed, you have.
You took up teaching because you thought it would be fun,
you could have summer vacations off.
Then you found out it was actually work and that really bummed you out.
These kids turned on me.
- They think I'm a big joke. - (Carl) Come on!
If you were 1 6, what would you think of you?
Carl, you think I give one rat's ass what these kids think of me?
Yes, I do.
You think about this. When you get old, these kids...
When I get old, they're going to be running the country.
Yeah?
This is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night.
That when I get older, these kids are going to take care of me.
I wouldn't count on it.
What would I do for a million bucks?
I guess I'd do as little as I had to.
- That's boring. - How am I supposed to answer?
The idea is to search your mind for the absolute limit. Like...
Would you drive to school naked?
- I'd have to get out of the car? - Of course.
(Andrew) In the spring or winter? (Claire) It doesn't matter. Spring.
(Andrew) In front or in the back of the school?
- (Claire) Either one. - Yes.
I'd do that.
I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars.
- You're lying. - (Allison) I already have.
I've done just about everything except a few things that are illegal.
- I'm a nymphomaniac. - Liar.
- Are your parents aware of this? - The only person I told was my shrink.
- What did he do when you told him? - He nailed me.
Very nice.
I don't think what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him.
- He's an adult. - Yeah.
He's married, too.
- Do you know how gross that is? - The first few times...
First few times? You did it more than once?
- Sure. - Are you crazy?
Obviously, if she's screwing her shrink.
Have you ever done it?
- I don't even have a psychiatrist. - You've done it with a normal person?
- Didn't we already cover this? - You never answered.
I'm not discussing my private life.
- It's a double-edged sword, isn't it? - A what?
(Allison) If you say you haven't, you're a prude.
If you say you have, you're a slut. It's a trap.
You want to, but you can't. Then when you do, you wish you didn't. Right?
- Wrong. - Or are you a tease?
- She's a tease. - Just forget it.
- You're a tease and you know it. - Only if what she does gets you hot.
- I don't do anything. - That's why you're a tease.
- Let me ask you a few questions. - I told you everything.
Doesn't sleeping around bother you? Don't you want respect?
I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between us.
- Not the only difference, I hope. - (Bender) Face it, you're a tease.
- I'm not a tease. - You are. Sex is your weapon.
You said you use it to get respect.
I never said that. She twisted my words.
- What do you use it for, then? - I don't use it.
Are you medically frigid or is it psychological?
You guys are putting words into my mouth.
- Just answer. - (Johnson) Why don't you?
(Bender) Be honest. (Andrew) Answer the question, Claire!
(Bender) Talk to us! (All) Come on, answer the question.
- (Bender) It's only one question. - No! I never did it!
I never did it, either.
I'm not a nymphomaniac, I'm a compulsive liar.
You are such a bitch! You did that on purpose, just to fuck me over.
I would do it, though. If you love someone, it's OK.
(Claire) You're so weird.
You don't say anything all day and then you unload these tremendous lies.
You're just pissed off because she got you to admit it.
That doesn't make it less bizarre.
What's bizarre? I mean, we're all pretty bizarre.
Some of us are just better at hiding it.
How are you bizarre?
- He can't think for himself. - She's right.
Do you guys know what I did to get in here?
I taped Larry Lester's buns together.
- That was you? - Yeah. You know him?
Yeah, I know him.
Then you know how hairy he is, right?
When they pulled the tape off,
most of his hair came off, and some skin, too.
Oh, my God.
And the bizarre thing is that I did it for my old man.
I tortured this poor kid because I wanted him to think that I was cool.
He's always going off about when he was in school,
all the wild things he used to do.
I got the feeling he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone.
So, I'm sitting in the locker room
and I'm taping up my knee.
Larry's undressing a couple of lockers down from me.
He's kind of skinny.
Weak.
I started thinking about my father
and his attitude about weakness.
The next thing I knew...
... I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him.
My friends just laughed and cheered me on.
Afterwards...
...when I was sitting in Vernon's office...
...all I could think about was Larry's father.
And Larry having to go home
and explain what happened to him.
And the humiliation...
...the fucking humiliation he must have felt.
It must have been unreal.
I mean, how do you apologise for something like that?
There's no way.
It's all because of me and my old man.
God, I fucking hate him.
He's like this mindless machine that I can't relate to any more.
(lmitates father) "Andrew, you've got to be number one!
"l won't tolerate any losers.
"Your intensity is for shit!
"Win, win, win!"
You son of a bitch.
Sometimes, I wish my knee would give.
Then I wouldn't be able to wrestle and he could forget all about me.
I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling.
It's like me with my grades.
When I step outside myself
and look in at myself, you know...
I see me.
I don't like what I see.
I really don't.
What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself?
It sounds stupid but...
Because I'm failing shop.
We had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant.
We had eight weeks to do it, and we're supposed... It was a lamp.
When you pull the trunk the light was supposed to go on.
My light didn't go on.
I got F on it.
I've never got an F in my life.
When I signed up for the course, I thought I was playing it smart.
I thought shop would be an easy way to maintain my grade point average.
Why did you think it would be easy?
- Have you seen the dopes in shop? - (Bender) I take shop.
- You must be a fucking idiot. - Because I can't make a lamp?
No, you're a genius because you can't make a lamp.
- Do you know about trigonometry? - I couldn't care less.
- No trigonometry, no engineering. - No lamps, no light.
So neither of you is any better than the other.
I can write with my toes.
- I can also eat, brush my teeth... - With your feet?
- I play "Heart and Soul" on the piano. - I can make spaghetti.
- What can you do? - I can...tape all your buns together.
- I want to see what Claire can do. - I can't do anything.
Everybody can do something.
There's one thing I can do. No, it's too embarrassing.
You ever seen "Wild Kingdom"? That guy's done that show for 30 years.
OK, but you have to swear to God you won't laugh.
OK.
I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
All right, great!
- Where did you learn that? - Camp, seventh grade.
That was great, Claire. My image of you is totally blown.
You're a shit! You swore to God you wouldn't laugh.
- (Bender) Am I laughing? - You fucking prick!
What do you care what I think, anyway?
I don't even count, right?
I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference.
I may as well not even exist at this school, remember?
And you don't like me, anyway.
I have as many feelings as you and it hurts when someone steps on them.
God, you're so pathetic. Don't you ever, ever compare yourself to me, OK?
You've got everything and I've got shit!
Fucking Rapunzel. School would shut down if you didn't show up.
"Queenie isn't here!"
- I like those earrings, Claire. - Shut up.
- (Bender) Are those real diamonds? - Shut up!
(Bender) I bet they are. Did you work for the money for them?
- Shut your mouth. - (Bender) Or did your daddy buy those?
- Shut up! - (Bender) I bet he bought those for you.
I bet those are a Christmas gift. Right? You know what I got for Christmas?
It was a banner year at the Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes.
The old man grabbed me and said, "Smoke up, Johnny!"
Go home and cry to your daddy. Don't cry here, OK?
My God, are we going to be like our parents?
Not me.
Ever.
It's unavoidable.
It just happens.
(Claire) What happens?
When you grow up, your heart dies.
- Who cares? - I care.
(Johnson) I was just thinking, I mean...
I know it's kind of a weird time, but I was just wondering...
What is going to happen on Monday when we're all together again?
I consider you guys my friends.
I'm not wrong, am l?
- No. - So, on Monday, what happens?
Are we still friends, you mean? If we're friends now, that is?
- Yeah. - Do you want the truth?
Yeah, I want the truth.
I don't think so.
- With all of us or just John? - With all of you.
- That's a real nice attitude. - (Claire) Be honest, Andy.
If Brian came up to you on Monday, what would you do?
You're there with all the sports. You'd say "hi" and when he left
you'd cut him up so your friends wouldn't think you really liked him.
- No way. - OK. What if I came up to you?
- Same exact thing. - You are a bitch.
Telling the truth makes me a bitch?
No! But you know that's shitty
and you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends.
What about you, you hypocrite?
Why don't you take Allison to one of your parties?
Or take Brian out to get high? What about Andy? What about me?
If we walked down the hall together, your friends would laugh.
You'd say we were doing it so they'd forgive you.
Don't talk about my friends.
You don't know my friends and you wouldn't condescend to speak to them.
Stick to things you know - shopping, your father's BMW and your drunk mother.
Shut up!
(Bender) And forget being concerned about us walking down the hall together.
It won't ever happen. Bury your head in the sand and wait for your prom.
- I hate you. - (Bender) Yeah? Good!
Then I assume Allison and l are better people than you guys, huh?
Us weirdos.
Would you do that to me?
I don't have any friends.
- Well, if you did? - No.
I don't think the kind of friends I'd have would mind.
I just want to tell each of you that I wouldn't do that.
I wouldn't and I will not.
Because I think that's real shitty.
Your friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us.
You're so conceited, Claire.
You're so conceited. You're so full of yourself. Why?
I'm not saying that to be conceited.
I hate having to go along with everything my friends say.
- (Johnson) Then why do you do it? - I don't know. I don't...
You don't understand. You don't...
You're not friends with the same kind of people.
You don't understand the pressure they can put on you.
I don't understand what? You think I don't understand pressure, Claire?
Well, fuck you! Fuck you!
You know why I'm here today?
Do you?
I'm here because Mr Ryan found a gun in my locker.
Why did you have a gun in your locker?
I tried.
You pull the fucking trunk on it and the light's supposed to go on.
It didn't go on, I mean...
- (Andrew) What was the gun for? - Forget it.
You brought it up, man.
I can't have an F.
I can't have it and I know my parents can't have it.
Even if I ace the rest of the semester, I'm still only a B.
Everything's ruined for me.
Brian.
- I considered my options. - Killing yourself is not an option.
I didn't do it, did l? I don't think so.
It was a hand gun?
No, it was a flare gun. It went off in my locker.
Really?
It's not funny.
(Laughing)
Yes, it is.
The fucking elephant was destroyed.
You want to know what I did to get in here?
Nothing. I didn't have anything better to do.
- You're laughing at me. - No.
Yeah, you are.
( # KARLA DEVlTO: "We Are Not Alone")
# Things look clear in black and white
# The living colour tends to dull our sight
# Like Dynamite
# Just imagine my surprise
# When I looked into your eyes and saw
# Through your disguise
# If we dare expose our hearts
# Just to feel the purest parts
# That's when strange sensations start to grow
# We are not alone
# Find out when your cover's blown
# There'll be someone there to break your fall
# We are not alone
# Because when you cut down to the bone
# We're really not so different after all #
Brian?
- Are you going to write your paper? - Yeah. Why?
Well, it's kind of a waste for all of us to write our paper.
That's what Vernon wants us to do.
(Claire) True, but I think we'd all say the same thing.
You just don't want to write your paper. Right?
True, but...
- You're the smartest, right? - Well...
We trust you.
Yeah.
All right.
I'll do it.
Great.
- Come on. - Where are we going?
Come on.
(Claire) Don't be afraid.
- Don't stick that in my eye. - I'm not sticking it.
Just go like that.
Good.
You look better without that black shit.
I like that black shit.
(Claire) This looks a lot better. Look up.
- Please! Why are you being so nice? - Because you're letting me.
(Door opens)
Are you lost?
Cool!
Thank you.
- Why did you do that? - I knew you wouldn't.
You know you said your parents use you to get back at each other?
Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity?
Were you disgusted by what I did with my lipstick?
Truth?
Truth.
No.
What happened to you?
Why? Claire did it.
What's wrong?
Nothing's wrong. It's just...
You're just so different.
I can see your face.
Is that good or bad?
It's good.
- See you, Brian. - See you, Carl.
- See you next Saturday. - You bet.
( # Sl M PLE M I N DS: "Don't You Forget About Me")
# Won't you come see about me?
# I'll be alone, dancing
# You know it, baby
# Tell me your troubles and doubts
# Giving me everything, inside and out
# Love's strange, so real in the dark
# Think of the tender things
# That we were working on
# Slow change may pull us apart
# When the light gets into your heart, baby
# Don't you forget about me
# Don't, don't, don't, don't
# Don't you forget about me
# Will you stand above me?
# Look my way but never love me?
# Rain keeps falling
# Rain keeps falling down
# Down, down
# Will you recognise me?
# Call my name or walk on by?
# As the rain keeps falling
# Rain keeps falling
# Down, down, down #
(Johnson) 'Dear Mr Vernon,
'we accept that we had to sacrifice Saturday in detention for what we did.
'But you're crazy to make us write who we think we are.
'You see us as you want to,
'in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions.
'But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...'
(Andrew) 'And an athlete...' (Allison) 'And a basket case...'
(Claire) 'A princess...' (Bender) 'And a criminal.'
(Johnson) 'Does that answer your question?
'Sincerely yours,
'The Breakfast Club.'